How to Handle a Cyberjerk

“Some arrogant !#*&@$ sabotaged my LinkedIn Discussion.”

“This rude guy commenting on my blog post just won’t let it go!”

“Why am I so irritated with this Twitter twit? I don’t even know her!”

The topic of cyberjerks has come up a half-dozen times with clients in the past few months. I get calls, emails and messages asking about what to do when they emerge and how to react.

It Happens…

The deeper your social networks get, the more prone you are to encountering cyberjerks, cyberstalkers and cybermorons. These conflicts are not limited to the teens and social butterflies. They happen in professional circles, as well.

Boy, have I been there! In fact, I get pretty darn steamed when people don’t play nice on the networks. I’m all for professional debate or a meaty discussion. In fact, it keeps me sharp! But, there are times when you run across someone who just hasn’t learned any cybermanners.

The good news: these people seem to be in the minority.

The bad news: the greater your visibility and influence becomes online, the bigger the target becomes on your virtual forehead.

Every case is different, but here are some guidelines to remember…

1. Step Awaaaaay From the Keyboard

This is harder than it sounds. Most of us have learned that with a snarky email, we write a response, sleep on it and re-read before deciding to hit send.

But, with the social networks, we’re often attacked in front of others. Our egos are bruised. Our “friends” are watching. We’re not about to get beaten up on the playground without a fight!

Before you lose your cool…take a deep breath, stand up and walk away for a few minutes. Get some coffee (not a stiff drink!). Grab a snack. Run an errand. Remember, any knee-jerk reaction you have becomes public the minute you hit Submit. Cool off. Your online reputation will thank you for it!

2. Remember the Other 99%

When someone’s really irritating you, it’s easy to become laser focused on that single conflict and forget about your productive connections and relationships. Put the cyberjerk’s behavior in perspective.

3. Seize the Opportunity

As you feel bullied, attacked or irritated, others are watching. They’re also likely recognizing the silly behavior and secretly rooting for you to respond. Setting an example of bowing out of a cyberwar gracefully, maturely and rationally will gain you even more respect from your peers, clients and friends.

What a great opportunity to show your ability to handle conflict! Don’t be surprised if your supporters chime in with a “you show `em” or “nice job.”

4. Give Them a Chance to Redeem Themselves

Perhaps they’ve had a bad day. After taking the “high road” approach, you may be surprised that they return with a softened approach…or even say, “I’m sorry.”

For example, this weekend I had a gentleman flat-out insult my intentions and experience. I stood by my statement, clarified my point and backed it up. When he returned with saying “I’m not buying it,” I realized he didn’t know me very well. I explained that I don’t play games and that I had no interest in him “buying” anything. I then made it clear that he didn’t have to agree with me and that I wasn’t going to agree with him. He was diffused a bit and came back with “All good. Great conversation.”  The conversation ended on a neutral note (partly because I followed Step #1 above).

5. Kill `Em With Kindness

When you just can’t muster up a sincere “high road” approach but still want to respond—bring out the sugar, saccharine and honey cocktail and serve it straight up. Somehow this approach makes the other side back off or simply cool their heels. I think every woman learns this technique from their mothers at some point. Men, if you haven’t learned it…ask your wife, sister or friends for a quick lesson. 🙂

6. Decide Whether They’re Worth It

Imagine if this conflict happened in real life. If you were at a trade show, networking event or conference and ran into this person, what would you do? Chances are you’d spar a bit, then walk away after realizing that the person was grandstanding, speaking out of insecurity or just had a chip on their shoulder. Of course, if this is someone who holds great authority or could make or break your reputation—perhaps you’ll stick it out a bit longer. Either way, ask yourself, “Is this person worth my precious time.” Nine times out of 10 the answer is “no.” Our egos and pride seem to get in the way.

A common question…

Many ask whether they should even write back at the first sign of trouble. Unless you’re being flat-out attacked or hit with a completely off-the-wall remark, I advise that you respond in some way. Ignoring conflict or a difference in opinion doesn’t fare well on the networks. Try the steps above…then make a choice.

That’s right. You have a choice.

You can defriend, unfollow, block, ban, delete or exit. Most social network developers want you to stick around. Therefore, they give you almost complete control over your own experience.

Your Turn

Have you run into a cyberjerk recently? What did you do?